Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Clean Joke of the Day

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Howdy Daily, it's me, Joe Cosity here!

I've been told that when you hear some engineers speak you
need to be ready to interpret. Here's some common
definitions...

"A number of different approaches are being tried."
(We are still grasping at straws.)

"We're working on a fresh approach to the problem."
(We just hired three kids fresh out of college.)

"Close project coordination."
(We know who to blame.)

"Major technological break through."
(It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.)

"Customer satisfaction upon delivery is assured."
(We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get
it delivered.)

"Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive."
(It blew up when we threw the switch.)

"Test results were extremely gratifying."
(We are so surprised that it works.)

"The entire concept will have to be abandoned."
(The only person who understood the project quit.)

"It is in process."

(It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about
hopeless.)

"We'll look into it."
(Forget it! We have enough problems for now.)

"Please read and initial."
(Let's spread the responsibility for the mistake.)

"Give us the benefit of your thoughts."
(We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't
interfere with what we've already done.)

"Give us your interpretation."
(I can't wait to hear this!)

"See me," or "Let's Discuss."
(Come into my office, I'm lonely.)

"All new!"
(Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.)

"Rugged."
(Too heavy to lift!)

"Lightweight."
(Lighter than rugged.)

"Years of development."
(One finally worked.)

"Energy saving."
(Achieved when the power switch is off.)

"No maintenance."
(Impossible to fix if broken.)
-----------------------------------------------------------

Do you say what you mean and always speak with sincerity?

But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for
whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil. -Matthew 5:37

I'm glad you could join me for today's content, and I look
forward to bringing you more next time!

Until then, bye-bye!
Joe Cosity

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Clean Joke of the Day exists to proclaim the truth of God, Jesus Christ, through emotional encouragement and spiritual exhortation.

Reminder: Joe Cosity is only a fictitious person, the result of imagination. Therefore, events depicted in this newsletter as real are actually either partially or completely made up to help you laugh. To contact Joe, simply send an email to:
joe@christfocus.com
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A Joke A Day - Funny everyday Jokes

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The Joke of The Day
Sport Jokes :: #196
By Lee Evans. from USA.

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothing,'" the beachcomber said.

"Wow," said the tourist.

The beachcomber added, "The sharks got 'em."



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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Relationships :: #1348
By Sara from USA.

Love and Forgiveness
When you learn to forgive someone who has really hurt you and forget the wound that they have caused, then you truly love that person.

 
 
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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Single Life

The Single Life

A man walks into a supermarket and buys:

1 bar of soap

1 toothbrush

1 tube of toothpaste

1 loaf of bread

1 pint of milk

1 single serving cereal

1 single serving frozen dinner

The girl at the checkout says, "You must be single!"

The guy sarcastically says, "Gee, how did you guess?"

The girl at the checkout says, "Because you're really ugly."

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SpicyJokes.com - Funny Everyday jokes

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The Spicy Joke of The Day
Gender Slam :: #4467
By Erik from Albany Or USA.

Q. What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?

A. Sexual Harassment.

Q. What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?

A. $3.99 a minute.




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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Proverbs :: #3586
By Cory McClelland from Woodstock USA.

Wisdom Of Ages
A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are for.

-Arabian Proverb-

 
 
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Q: Why is basketball the grossest sport there is?

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