A Joke A Day - Funny everyday Jokes

Work Jokes :: #605 By SimpleSentiments.com from Pembroke Pines Florida Unknown A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?" "Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy..." Forward this joke to your friends >>   Interpersonal Skills :: #2589 By Elizabeth Swafford from El Monte, Ca. USA. Attitude A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. - Herm Albright -     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 2nd October, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 2nd October, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
A New Wine For Seniors
-------------------------

California Vinters in the Napa Valley area.
which primarily produces Pinot Blanc,
Pinot Noir and Pinot Griglo wines have
developed a new hybrid grape that acts
as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce
the number of trips older people have to
make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as Pino More




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20121002

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

SpicyJokes.com - Funny Everyday jokes

Rude Jokes :: #3429 By san from sa sa USA. A couple was making love outdoors when suddenly a bee flies into the woman's vagina. They go to the hospital were the doctor say "mmm, well with both your permission I could put some honey on the tip of my penis and try to lure him out". So the doctor puts some honey on the tip of his penis and starts to gently push it in and out of the vagina. He started pushing harder and harder up until he started ramming his penis up her vagina. The boyfriend said, "What the hell do you think you are doing". "I've changed my mind I'm going to drown the bastard"!!! Forward this joke to your friends >>   Famous Quote :: #51 By Peter Prestipino from Chicago USA. QUOTE: Success, Emerson "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success." -Ralph Waldo Emerson     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

A Joke A Day - Funny everyday Jokes

Animal Jokes :: #715 By Simple Sentiments from USA. A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says,  "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, "ALLLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine".  The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.  They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse's ear. The same thing happens -- the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.  At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it" and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.  The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies,  "Nothing is wrong with me -- it's this bloody horse. What is he -- deaf or something?"  The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf -- he's BLIND!"  Forward this joke to your friends >>   Famous Quote :: #127 By Larry Davis from Tampa USA. Personal Success He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. Epictetus     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st October, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st October, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Georgia State Trooper
-------------------------

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south
of the Georgia/South Carolina state line.

When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver
answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to
Savannah to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.

The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if thedriver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a
ticket.

The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on
ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his
patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he
could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the
juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the
patrol car.

A drunk good old boy, from S.C., got out and watched the performance
briefly, he then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and
got in. The Trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol
car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, cause
there's no way in hell I can pass that test."




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20121001

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

SpicyJokes.com - Funny Everyday jokes

Male Jokes :: #403 By Anonymous from USA. At Frederick's of Hollywood a husband wants to buy his wife the sheerest lingerie he can find. "This is $200," says the saleswoman, showing him an item. "I want one that's more sheer," says he. "This one is $350." "Sheerer than that." "This is the sheerest we have. It's $500." "I'll take it!" he replies. The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me." She goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not. I can take it back for a refund and he won't know the difference." So she comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs. "So, how do you like it?" she asks. He looks at her a moment and says, "Well, you'd think for $500 they'd iron the thing." Forward this joke to your friends >>   Proverbs :: #1664 By Anonymous from USA. Native American Man has responsibility, not power.     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

A Joke A Day - Funny everyday Jokes

Airplane Jokes :: #10637 By Anonymous from USA. All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture", and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: 1. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort, and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants." 2. On landing the stewardess said, "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out off this airplane." 3. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!" 4. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted." 5. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite." Forward this joke to your friends >>   Interpersonal Skills :: #2443 By anMitchell Brooke from Durb South Africa High Life Don't try to change the world, for that is an impossible task, change yourself and the world will change for you...     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com