Mall Disease

Mall Disease

I'm suffering from Mallzheimer's disease. I go to the mall and forget
where I parked my car.

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Speed Limit
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One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as
dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his
lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask . . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

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Lawyer Jokes :: #22179 By Anonymous from USA. When David retired, he and his wife, who was much younger, moved to Arizona. Once they had settled in, he decided it was time to make a will, so he made an appointment with a lawyer. "It's nice and straightforward," he instructed the attorney. "Everything goes to Sarah – the house, the car, the pension, the life insurance – under the condition that she remarries within the year." "Fine, Mr. Cohen," said the lawyer. "But do you mind my asking why the condition?" "Simple: I want at least one person to be sorry I died." Forward this joke to your friends >>     Recommended Book         The Ultimate Adult Only Joke Book 400+ pages of hilarious, unmentionable and down-right rude jokes that are sure to raise an eyebrow and crack you up! Get ready for taboo jokes on all sorts of topis.     Health :: #6129 By Anonymous from USA. Have you tested your cholesterol lately? Many health problems announce themselves with obvious symptoms. High cholesterol is not one of them. The American heart Association says that anybody over the age oaf 2 should follow a healthy diet to control cholesterol, and the National Cholesterol Education Program recommends that adults age 20 and older get a fasting "lipoprotein profile" every five years. This should include total cholesterol, LDL ("bad") cholesterol, HDL ("good") cholesterol and triglycerides. What do Numbers mean? Total cholesterol: Less than 200 mg/dl is desirable 200-239 mg/dl is borderline High 240mg/dl and above is High. LDL Cholesterol: Less than 100 mg/dl is Optimal 100-129 mg/dl is Near Optimal 130-159 mg/dl is Borderline High 160-189 mg/dl is High 190 mg/dl and above is Very High HDL Cholesterol: HDL protects the heart, so higher levels are better. 60 or above is ideal. Less than 40 in men and 50 in women is low.     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641 1995-2008 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

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Marriage Jokes :: #534 By Anonymous from Unknown Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair and every year Stumpy said, "Ya know, Mahtha, I'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane." And every year, Martha would say "I know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs .. and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."  So one year Stumpy says, "By Jeebers, Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, and if I don't go this time I may nevah go." Martha replies, "Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten dollahs ... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."  So the pilot overhears then and says, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE WORD, then I won't charge you. But just ONE WORD and it's ten dollars."  They agree and up they go... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does it one more time, and there is still no word... so he lands.  He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to holler out, but you didn't."  And Stumpy replies "Well, I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out ... but ten dollahs is ten dollahs."  Forward this joke to your friends >>     Highly Recommended Book         Comedy Comes Clean A hilarious collection of wholesome jokes, quotes, and one-linears. Over 140 pages of laugh-out-loud humor on everything from family like to job jokes to sports stories to pet problems. Funny book for the entire family!     Health :: #6082 By Anonymous from USA. Jog your memory – Take a walk A recent Italian study found that people aged 65 or elder who regularly walk significantly lowered their risk for vascular dementia, the second most common form of dementia after Alzheimer's disease.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641 1995-2008 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com