A Joke A Day - Funny everyday Jokes

Puns :: #21504 By Sasha from Canada The key to the success of all musicians of note is their ability to stay composed while performing at a level that can't be beat. Forward this joke to your friends >>   Famous Quote :: #51 By Peter Prestipino from Chicago USA. QUOTE: Success, Emerson "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success." -Ralph Waldo Emerson     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

Aha! Jokes Laughing Gas Newsletter for June 25th

Aha!Jokes Laughing Gas Newsletter for Jun. 25, 2012! Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser. Chess Playing Dog A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen." "Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five." Crazy Laws - Hawaii Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears. All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat. In Honolulu, within the limits of any public park, it is unlawful to annoy any bird Ready To Laugh? Come to AhaJokes.com for more fun any time! Visit our funny pics, funny vids, or funny forwards sections for a good laugh!  follow on Twitter | friend on Facebook  Copyright © 2012 Aha!Jokes LLC. All rights reserved. Funniest place on the web. Our mailing address is: ahajokes@hotmail.com Add this e-mail to your Address Book! We respect your privacy. You are receiving this e-mail because you or someone else subscribed to receive jokes on the AhaJokes.com Web site. We do not randomly send these newsletters out, and you can permanently unsubscribe by using the link below if you no longer wish to receive this newsletter.  unsubscribe from this list

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th June, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th June, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Explosion
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A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory,
and once all the mess has been cleared up, and
inquiry begins.

One of the few survivors is pulled up to make
a statement. "Okay Simpson," says the investigator,
"you were near the scene, what happened?"


"Well, it's like this. Old Charley Higgins
was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a
cigarette out of his pocket and light up."


"He was smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator
said in stunned horror, "How long had he been
with the company?"


"About 20 years, sir"


"20 years in the company, then he goes and
strikes a match in the mixing room, I'd have thought
it would have been the last thing he'd have done."


"It was, sir."







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SpicyJokes.com - Funny Everyday jokes

Animal Jokes :: #1442 By Mike Schmitz from Glendora CA USA. The man was in front of the Ape cage at the zoo. He covered his eyes and the Ape did the same. He covered his ears - the Ape did the same. He covered his mouth, so did the Ape. He tweaked his nose at the ape and the Ape got mad and threw ape-crap all over the man. The man ran to the zookeeper and complained. The zookeeper asked him what he had done to piss-off the Ape. He told him all the things he did. When he got to the part about 'tweaking his nose' at the Ape, the zoo-keeper said "Well, no wonder! Tweaking your nose means F-YOU in Ape-talk!" So, the next day the man goes back to the zoo to get even with the Ape. He did all the same stuff at the Ape and the Ape copied him, but instead of tweaking his nose at the Ape, the man produced a big butcher knife from his back pocket, unzipped his fly, pulled out a sausage he had put there, whacked the end of the sausage off, and offered the butcher knife through the cage for the Ape to do the same. The Ape looked up at the man in horror, and without hesitation, vehemently tweaked his nose at the man. Forward this joke to your friends >>   Health :: #67 By Kate from Chicago USA. Laughter is indeed the best medicine The old adage has been backed up by a recent study. Findings show that people with a good sense of humor and a propensity to laugh may be less likely to develop heart disease when compared to aggressive, antisocial personalities. So go ahead, laugh and make others laugh.     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

A Joke A Day - Funny everyday Jokes

Kid Jokes :: #2324 By Little Fishy from Canada A three-year-old had been told several times to get ready for bed. The last time his mom told him, she was every insistent. His response was, "Yes, Sir!" Since he was talking to his mother (and she is a woman), it was not expected of him to call her "Sir". "You would say, 'yes sir,' to a man, I am a lady, and you would say 'Yes Ma'am,' to a lady," Mom said. To quiz him on is lesson; she then asked him, "What would you say to Daddy?" "Yes Sir!" was the reply "Then what would you say to Mama?" "Yes, Ma'am!" he proudly answered. "Good boy! Now what would you say to Grandma?" He lit up and said, "Can I have a cookie?" Forward this joke to your friends >>   Health :: #4799 By Anonymous from USA. Did you know that the way you sleep could aggravate your back? For the best sleep position, lie on your side with your thighs drawn up toward your chest and a pillow between your legs. If your sleep on your back, support your knees and neck with pillows. And sleep on your stomach only if a small pillow cushions your lower abdomen. - Mayo Clinic -     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th June, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th June, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Axioms
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Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going to burn your ass.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't need them again.

I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where in the hell is the ceiling?

My reality check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier!!!

You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Everyone is someone else's weirdo.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Be careful...a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the ass.

Don't be irreplaceable --- if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

So this isn't Home Sweet Home . . . Adjust!

Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!

I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

I'd love to live life in the fast lane, but I'm married to a speed bump.

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without a hard-on, make him a sandwich!

What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it!

How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap!




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SpicyJokes.com - Funny Everyday jokes

Body Parts :: #17514 By Sam Lane from Germany Inside this 30-year-old actor lives Stanley the sperm cell along with about a million other sperm cells. We focus on Stanley because, for once, he wants to be the sperm that fertilizes the egg. He trains diligently every day. He swims around, lift weights, that kind of stuff. An old sperm cell comes up to him and asks the reason for all the exercise and Stanley replies, "I want to fertilize the egg." The old sperm cell tells young Stanley that if he is the one to do this he must say, "Hi, I'm sperm." to which the egg should reply, "Hi, I'm egg." then you can fertilize it. Stanley thanks him and the old sperm wishes him luck. Finally, the big day comes. It gets warm and somewhat vibrantly inside and then they're off. Millions of sperm are swimming fiercely with none other than Stanley in the lead. He's so proud of himself. As the distance between him and the other sperm grow, he notices a big red ball. He knows this is the egg and he swims his heart out to finish the race. He approaches the red ball and says, like the old sperm told him to, "Hi, I'm sperm." the big red ball replied, "Hi, I'm tonsil." Forward this joke to your friends >>   Self-Improvement :: #703 By Sabeen Sheikh from Calgary Canada CONSIDERATION Never consider yourself less than anyone, though never consider anyone less than yourself.     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com