Wednesday, October 30, 2013

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Kids & Family Jokes :: #15080
By from USA.

A family is setting around the supper table and the son asks if he can ask a personal question? The fathers said ask away. The young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?" The father, surprised, says, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said could I ask a personal question? The daughter turns to her mother and asks "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles, and looks at her husband and answers, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dried up and the balls are there for decoration only."




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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Words of Knowledge :: #2477
By Walt Haskins from Lahaina, Hawaii USA.

The women behind successful men
It is said that behind every successful man, there's a woman. If this is true, we should look into this and find out what the heck she's doing back there.

 
 
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The Joke of The Day
Animal Jokes :: #19985
By El Cass from Hampton Va USA.

These bear hunters were sitting around the cabin the night before the hunt bragging about their passt hunts.

The cabin boy was listening and went over and said "you guys make it seem pretty hard on capturing a bear".

They all laughed and said "it is hard; do you think you could bag one"?

"I can go out and bag you 2 if you will skin them, and I will bet each of you $100.00.

They agreed and off he went out into the night.

Soon he spotted a big grizzly; he waved his arm and started hollering the big bear started after him and he started running for the shack. When he got close to the shack he started yelling. "Open the door he yelled".

They looked out and saw the bear chasing the boy. Just as he got to the door they opened it and he stepped aside and the bear went in. He slammed the door and locked it and shouted. "OK skin him I'll go and get the other one".




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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Home Life :: #898
By Anastasia Caldwell from Moscow Mills USA.

Foggy bathroom mirrors
If you are tired of having your bathroom mirror fog up after taking a shower, use shaving cream to wipe down the mirror. Just apply shaving cream to the mirror and rub all over mirror. Wipe off the excess and you will have fog free mirrors for weeks. Don't worry about streaks, just use a little elbow grease and there will be a beautifully clean and fog free mirror.

 
 
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Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th October, 2013

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th October, 2013 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Damned Old Age!
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A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically in good condition for their age, but if they are having trouble remembering they might want to start writing things down to help them.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Where are you going?" his wife asks.

"To the kitchen" he replies.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks, recalling the doctor's suggestion.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down. Just don't start with that! Leave me alone!! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles on into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "Where's my toast?"




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Religious Jokes :: #14234
By Anonymous from USA.

St. Peter halted a man at the entrance to heaven. "You've told too many lies to be permitted in here," he said.

"Have a heart," replied the man. "Remember, you were once a fisherman yourself."




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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Health :: #68
By Kate from Chicago USA.

Incorporate flax into your diet
Adding a few servings of flaxseed into your daily diet is healthful for your heart and digestive system.

Studies show that the fats found in flaxseed may be good for your cardiovascular system. Flaxseeds contain alpha-linolenic acid, an essential fatty acid that is necessary for blood pressure regulation. The seeds also contain lignans, compounds with antioxidant-like properties. Its high fiber content also keeps your digestive system healthy.

Be sure the flaxseeds are grounded so that the your body can digest it properly to ensure maximium absorption.



 
 
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Question / Answer Jokes :: #23000
By Paul Ledbetter from Brighton CO United States Minor Outlying Islands

What tool does Count Dracula use when he repairs his car?

A Vamplier



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The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Travel :: #761
By Alicia from Barrington USA.

Keep a low profile when touring
Planning to rent a car on your next vacation? Try not to advertise the fact that you are a tourist, which could make you an attractive prey to thieves.

1. Always insist in local plates when you rent a car,

2. Request a model that's popular in the area you're visiting and with no rental company logos or plates.

3. Don't bother to get the car washed; a little dust will help you blend right in with the locals.

4. When you park, keep maps, brochures, guidebooks and bags locked in the trunk. Buy a local paper and leave it on the seat to look more like a "native."

5. Ask the rental agent whether there are certain neighborhoods it would be best to avoid.

6. Keep doors locked and windows up while driving.



 
 
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