Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 4th February, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 4th February, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Bubba & Cooter's Book of Sure-fire Pick-up Lines
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Thank you for purchasing
'Bubba & Cooter's Book of Sure-fire Pick-up Lines'
brought to you by Bubba & Cooter. Enjoy!

1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) Man - 'Fat Penguin!'
Woman - 'WHAT?'
Man - 'I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.'

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room...

11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up

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SpicyJokes.com - Funny Everyday jokes

Entertainment Jokes :: #22326 By from Unknown A maid asks for a raise. The lady of the house asks, "Why do you think you deserve one?" The maid answers, "I have three points. First, I iron better than you." The boss asks, "Who says?" The maid answers, "Your husband." The maid says, "Second, I cook better than you." The boss asks, "Who says?" the maid answers, "Your husband." The maid says, "Lastly, I am a better lover than you." Angry, the lady of the house questions, "Who said that?" The maid replies, "The gardener." "How much more you want?" she asks. Forward this joke to your friends >>     Recommended Book         The Ultimate Adult Only Joke Book 400+ pages of hilarious, unmentionable and down-right rude jokes that are sure to raise an eyebrow and crack you up! Get ready for taboo jokes on all sorts of topis.     Business :: #601 By Joseph Zituni from Haifa Israel Customer Service Customer service is not a cost -it is an Investment (said by John Frazer-Robinson)     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641 1995-2008 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

Split Up

Split Up

A rich widow from the South, hired a Chinese fellow that still had a
lot of trouble with our language, to be a "handyman" around the house.

He had only worked there one day when she noticed he had done a lousy
job cleaning the downstairs floor and had gone back upstairs to watch
TV.

She lost her temper and yelled up to him, "Ling, come here likity
split!"

Ling answered, "I come but I no lickey de split!"

;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-)
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A Joke A Day - Funny everyday Jokes

Lawyer Jokes :: #20829 By Anonymous from USA. A lawyer phoned the governor's mansion shortly after midnight. "I need to talk to the governor, it's an emergency!" exclaimed the lawyer. After some cajoling, the governor's assistant agreed to wake him up. "So, what is it that's so important that it can't wait until morning?" grumbled the governor. "Judge Pierson just died, and I want to take his place," beg the attorney. "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the mortuary," replied the governor. Forward this joke to your friends >>     Highly Recommended Book         Comedy Comes Clean A hilarious collection of wholesome jokes, quotes, and one-linears. Over 140 pages of laugh-out-loud humor on everything from family like to job jokes to sports stories to pet problems. Funny book for the entire family!     Love & Dating :: #4041 By Cenk Butunley from London United Kingdom Online Dating Safety Tips Here are some online and offline dating tips for: Online dating 1. Do not include any personal information in your profile. Reputable dating sites have a privacy policy so that their members can be part of a safe online dating environment and any personal information given will not be revealed to others. 2. Take your time getting to know someone online before giving any personal information about yourself and before arranging to meet. 3. Don't lie in your profile or upload a fake photograph. Do you want to meet someone who is faking his/her identity or photo? 4. It is a good idea to set up a free email account like yahoo. This way you do not have to use your main personal email address in the event that you no longer wish to have contact with a member. 5. Be careful if you think a member is lying to you. Beware of someone who pressures you for anything including personal details or an early date. 6. If someone is making you feel uncomfortable stop messaging him/her. Reputable dating sites provide features for you to report inappropriate messaging or even blocking these users. Offline dating 1. If you would like to meet someone "offline" only reveal minimal information to begin with. Start with your email address and then maybe your mobile. As email and even phone number can be changed easily if necessary. 2. If you call another member use the "block my number" feature to prevent your number appearing on his/her phone. 3. If you arrange to meet someone, always make sure the meeting point is in a public place and preferably in daylight for the first meeting. Always let someone else know who you are going to meet, where you are going and what time you should be back home. 4. If you're drinking alcohol, don't drink too much and never leave your drink unattended. 5. Finally, be sensible and trust your instincts – they are usually right!     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641 1995-2008 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 3rd February, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 3rd February, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Redneck Love
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Clem drove his pickup alongside the road and showed his buddy Jed where he'd first made love.

"It was right down there by that thar tree. I remember it plain as day. It was a warm summer day." We was madly in love. We made our way down to that thar tree and made love fer hours," explained Clem.

"That sounds amazing," exclaimed Jed.

"Yep, it was goin' real good until I looked up and saw her momma standing right there watching us."

"Damn, what did her momma say when she saw you was makin' love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"

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Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100203

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SpicyJokes.com - Funny Everyday jokes

Police Jokes :: #22361 By from Unknown Grover said, "Havin' some problems with circle flies, enit?" The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are... I never heard of circle flies." So Grover says, "Circle flies are common on Pine Ridge, ya know. They say they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse." The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's back end?" Then Grover says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's back end." The trooper then says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, Grover says, "Hard to fool them flies though, enit?" Forward this joke to your friends >>     Recommended Book         The Ultimate Adult Only Joke Book 400+ pages of hilarious, unmentionable and down-right rude jokes that are sure to raise an eyebrow and crack you up! Get ready for taboo jokes on all sorts of topis.     Health :: #67 By Kate from Chicago USA. Laughter is indeed the best medicine The old adage has been backed up by a recent study. Findings show that people with a good sense of humor and a propensity to laugh may be less likely to develop heart disease when compared to aggressive, antisocial personalities. So go ahead, laugh and make others laugh.     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641 1995-2008 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com