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Miscellaneous Jokes :: #23003 By from Unknown For some time many of us have wondered, just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my geneaology efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Give Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Mode Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Give Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a due ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Fast, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them. Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt. Forward this joke to your friends >>   Security :: #1341 By Joe Bihlmaier from Eustis USA. Protecting yourself from an attack. One of the best ways of protecting yourself from attack is to avoid things that may provoke it. Stay out of unfamiliar areas, dress appropriately, avoid walking in unlit areas, and don't display valuables. Sometimes this however is unavoidable. Here are some steps that may be taken: 1. Take a self-defense class be it a paid one or free one offered by law enforcement. 2. Understand self defense equipment and its use. Pepper spray and stun guns are good products if used correctly. Although a set of keys or a kubaton may be a better choice both are hard to get away from you by your assailant. The kubaton is pointy object that won't pierce the skin but is small and handheld. It will inflict a lot of pain and deter an attack. 3. Another good choice is a personal alarm that you carry and can be set off. It produces a loud alarm to scare an attacker and alert others of your trouble. There also are models for you and your child that will alert you when your child gets out of range from you. These are usually adjustable for a 6 to 30 foot area. Especially helpful in store and mall settings. 4. Remember most cell phones have a speed dial setting for 911.     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com