Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 31st August, 2013

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st August, 2013 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Talking Frog
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An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why
won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer.

I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."





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Sport Jokes :: #23 By Mary Pascale from USA. Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off cap and placed it over her crotch. The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Sox cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Yankees cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time. The Yankee fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?" Well," said the officer. "I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under a Yankees hat, I find an asshole Forward this joke to your friends >>   Career Skills :: #274 By Oscar Gutierrez from Hacienda Heights USA. I am Wrong Admit to your staff when you have made a wrong decision, because chances are they already know. Not being able to say when you are wrong diminishes your effectiveness in the work place. Managers who narrow in on the blame and refuse to admit that they are wrong are viewed by their employees as weak and dishonest. Eventually, employees lose respect for the manager and good workers move on. People openly respect a person when they are big enough to admit that they erred in some way or other.     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

A Joke A Day - Funny everyday Jokes

Men Vs. Women Jokes :: #22178 By carl jarvi from USA. A shy man was feeling a little lucky and decided to ask the subdued provocative Librarian about seduction as he tended to be oblique in his intentions. "Do you have any books on women seducing men?'' The Librarian answered without hesitation '' Why yes" she murmured. Most likely found in the '' Fantasy section" Forward this joke to your friends >>   Miscellaneous :: #3824 By WALT HASKINS from Lahaina, Hawaii USA. THERE'S A SURPRISE IN EVERY PACKAGE Puberty is like the pupa stage in the development of an insect in that what enters that stage very often is very different than what emerges.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2013 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th August, 2013

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th August, 2013 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Birth Control
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Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation
turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says
"We're Catholic so we can't use it."

The next woman says "I am too but we use the rhythm
method."

The third woman says "We use the bucket and saucer
method."

"What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?", the others
ask.

"Well, I'm five foot eleven... and my husband is five foot two. We
make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and
when his eyes get big as saucers I kick the bucket out from
under him




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Blonde Jokes :: #14316 By Anonymous from USA. A blonde is racing to her convertible as it begins to rain. All of the sudden, she screams "NO, NO!!!!" A man standing near by rushed to her aid. "What's wrong?" The blonde said, "I locked the keys in the car and the top's down!" Forward this joke to your friends >>   Proverbs :: #569 By Paula Ramos from Plainfield USA. Saving "Dishonest money dwindles away but he who gathers money little by little makes it grow." -Solomon     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

A Joke A Day - Funny everyday Jokes

Lawyer Jokes :: #21785 By Donovan Maturi from USA. At a party of professionals, a Doctor was having difficulty socializing. Everyone wanted to describe their symptoms, and get an opinion about diagnosis. The Doctor turned to a Lawyer acquaintance, and asked, "How do you handle people who want advice outside of the office?" "Simple," answered the Lawyer, "I send them a bill. That stops it." The next day, the Doctor, still feeling a bit reserved about what he had just finished doing, opened his mailbox to send the bills; there sat a bill from the Lawyer. Forward this joke to your friends >>   Miscellaneous :: #3269 By R.RAMACHANDRA RAO from HYDERABAD India Vision A great tragedy is when people have sight but no vision - HELEN KELLER -     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2013 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th August, 2013

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th August, 2013 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Bumper Stickers
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*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
*I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
*WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
*Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
*IRS We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
*Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
*Hang up and drive.
*I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
*Where there's a will...I want to be in it.
*It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
*Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
*Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.
*Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.
*If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of car payments.
*I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.
*Never take life seriously.
*Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
*Never knock on Death's door: Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that)
*I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
*You have the right to remain silent.
*Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
*You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
*The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
*Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
*If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
*The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.
*Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
*Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
*CATS: The other white meat
*I'm an imbecile and I vote
*Money Isn't Everything... But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch
*If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now
*Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it!
*WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition
*If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
*Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
*You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me not you!
*You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT
*Grow your own dope, plant a man






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SpicyJokes.com - Funny Everyday jokes

Little Johnny Jokes :: #1409 By Terry from Crown Point Indiana United States Minor Outlying Islands Little Johnny goes to school on day and his Dad tells the teacher Johnny has a gambling problem and might bet the kids for their lunch money. The teacher said, "I can handle it." Well later that day Johnny's Dad gets a call from Johnny's teacher. "I think I've cured Johnny's betting problem, said the teacher. "How?" Asked Johnny's Dad. "Well he bet me ten bucks there was a mole on my ass and, I took him to the teachers lounged and showed him there wasn't one there; and took the ten bucks." "Damn, he bet me fifty bucks he would see the teachers ass before the day was through." Forward this joke to your friends >>   One-Liners :: #599 By Scott Short from Bartlett, TN USA. Planning If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Unknown     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

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Animal Jokes :: #22543 By El Cass from Smithfield Va USA. A man and his son were walking down the street. The boy saw a dog walking and sniffing at the ground. What makes the dog sniff at the ground dad? That is INSTINCT son. A bit later his dad saw a dog sniffing another dog. Do you know why he's doing that son? I do dad, like you said before that's END-STINK. Forward this joke to your friends >>   Miscellaneous :: #4330 By WALT HASKINS from Lahaina, Hawaii USA. SAME THING IN, DIFFERENT THINGS OUT A computer needs an operating system, like "Windows", before it can process input into anything that is meaningful; the human mind also uses an operating system called "Assumptions", which is required before it can process input into anything that is meaningful. Unlike a computer, each of us uses a different operating system; this means that each of us can process the same input into things that mean something different for each of us.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2013 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com