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Business Jokes :: #91
By Emily from Unknown
Before going to Europe on business, a man drives his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and asks for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requests collateral. "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce," the man says. The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping and gives the man the $5,000. Two weeks later, the man walks through the bank's doors and asks to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer says. The man writes out a check and starts to walk away. "Wait, sir," the loan officer says. "You are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?" The man smiles, "Where else could I find a safer place to park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
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| | | |  Highly Recommended Book | | | | |   | | Comedy Comes Clean
A hilarious collection of wholesome jokes, quotes, and one-linears. Over 140 pages of laugh-out-loud humor on everything from family like to job jokes to sports stories to pet problems. Funny book for the entire family! | | | | 
Security :: #6010
By Michelle Welch from Sarnia, Ontario Canada
Home Security Safety Tips
For your own peace of mind just knowing that your house is the safest place on earth just follow a few steps to make it that way.
1. Make sure you have a working smoke detector, and a working carbon monoxide detector as well.
2. Make sure you have deadbolt lock for both your front door and your back door and use them when you are home.
3. Make sure your hedges around your house a no more than 3 feet tall so you do not provide a thief with a hiding spot, and make sure all of the surrounding trees are trimmed to a 6 foot high for the same reason.
4. If you have the mini blinds, make sure you have the rounded side facing out and not facing in so that when someone tries to peek into your house all they will see is your ceiling, not the floor plan and all the things you have.
5. If you have an answering machine, just say sorry we are busy and cannot come to the phone please leave your message. Any other explanation is an invitation to a break in.
6. If you are away please ask your trusted neighbors to take in all of your mail and newspaper deliveries, and park his or her car in your driveway at night, leave at least one light on a timer even when you are home, have someone mow your lawn/plow the snow, and leave a radio on so it looks like someone is home.
7. If you have the sliding glass windows please make sure you have longer screws in the upper frame that come just barely touching the top of the sliding window frame so it cannot be lifted and taken out, and put a bar in the track so it cannot be opened, plus lock them at all times when closed.
8. Have all your neighbors on the street become members of your local Neighborhood Watch program with your local police department.
9. Make sure to close and lock your garage doors when no one is home as that is an open invitation for theft of your snow blower, lawnmower, power tools, bikes, and garden tools.
10. Get to know who your neighbors are as that is also the best way to protect them as well as yourself.
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