Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Anniversaries
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Who said men don't remember anniversaries?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room,

"Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from is coffee,

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

"Yes I do," she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.

"Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said..."I would have gotten out today."





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Salespeople :: #14575 By Randy Gray Sr. from Biloxi Mississippi USA. A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson, and not knowing anything about them, she just picked one up and brought it to the counter where the clerk, wearing dark glasses said "may I help you" the woman said "can you tell me if this is a good rod and reel?" The man replied "Madame, I am completely blind, but if you will just drop it on the counter, I can tell you all about it from the sound." the woman was skeptical, but held it about two feet up and let it fall. The man said "that's a graphite Shakespeare rod with a Zebco 404 reel, and 10 pound test line. All in all, a great buy at our sale price of $20." The woman was sold, and reaching into her purse, she dropped her credit card on the floor, and when she bent down to pick it up, she farted! Knowing the man was blind; she just fanned the air with her hand hoping he'd think it was somebody else. When the man rang up the rod and reel, he said "that'll be $33.50" the woman said "I thought you said it was on sale for twenty dollars?" The man smiled and said "twenty bucks for the rod and reel, eleven bucks for the duck call, and $2.50 for the catfish bait"!!! Forward this joke to your friends >>   One-Liners :: #1296 By Joy from USA. " Mind" A mind is like a parachute. It only works when it's open!     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

A Joke A Day - Funny everyday Jokes

Question / Answer Jokes :: #16179 By Alejandro Restrepo from New Orleans Louisiana USA. Q. What did the digital clock say to the analog clock? A. Look, No hands! Forward this joke to your friends >>   Education :: #568 By Paula Ramos from Plainfield USA. Wise Advice "The unexamined life is not worth living." -Socrates     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Alabama Quarter
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Hang on to any of the new State of Alabama quarters. If you
have them; they may be worth much more than 25 cents.

The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all
of the Alabama quarters that are part of its program
featuring quarters from each state.

"We are recalling all the new Alabama quarters that were
recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford
said Monday. "This action is being taken after numerous
reports that the new quarters will not work in parking
meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other
coin-operated devices."

The quarters were issued in the order in which the various
states joined the U.S. and have been a tremendous success
among coin collectors worldwide.

"The problem lies in the unique design of the Alabama
quarter, which was created by an Auburn University
graduate," Shackleford said. "Apparently, the duct tape
holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming
the coin-operated devices."




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Elderly Jokes :: #3851 By kim from kennebunk maine USA. A bus stops and this old lady gets off and complains to the driver: I was sexually harassed, and the driver thinks nothing of it; the bus comes to another stop and another old lady gets off and complains to the driver: I was sexually harassed and the driver thinks nothing of it, then the bus comes to another stop and this old man gets off and says to the driver "I lost my taupe and thought I found it twice then realized mine is parted down the side, and the two I saw were parted down the middle!" Forward this joke to your friends >>   Business :: #944 By Khaled Hossain from Dhaka Bangladesh Self-confidence Self-confidence is also a wealth, which you can invest in your business. In fact it can be considered as the basic need in your business program.     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

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Family Jokes :: #6184 By Alex D.erby from Richmond Virginia USA. A schoolteacher's son brought his report card home. The father said; let's see what you have accomplished. He opens the report and to his dismay sees all bad grades. What do you have to say about this Johnny? Well dad at lease you know I'm not cheating. Forward this joke to your friends >>   Business :: #907 By Dave Turner from Jefferson USA. Take Chances! Any successful person will tell you that if you want to be successful in life, sometimes you have to take a chance. If you don't do anything, you won't get anything!     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Cops with a Sense of Humor
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Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."





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Men Vs. Women Jokes :: #14933 By from Unknown Moods of a Woman An angel of truth and a dream of fiction, a woman is a bundle of contradiction, she's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, but will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house. Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose, she'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose, she'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk, she'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk, at times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad, she'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad. Moods of a Man Horny Hungry Thirsty Sleepy Forward this joke to your friends >>   Home Life :: #711 By Hillary Beane from Boston USA. Cleanse the clutter! Tired of all the junk in your life? If you often find yourself cleaning up clutter or looking for more space in the closet to shove all your stuff in, it might be time to give a wholehearted effort to cleaning all the junk that's collected over the years. Spend a little time this weekend going through your home and you might realize that most of what fills your drawers is just taking up space. Once your living space is clutter-free and simplified you may find your mind is more relaxed and comfortable too.     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

A Joke A Day - Funny everyday Jokes

Animal Jokes :: #9368 By Jenna Stevens from Bend OR USA. A couple was having a party at their house. An hour before the party the woman found out that she still needed escargots. So she sent her husband out to get it. He was walking to the supermarket and he figured he had lots of time. So he stopped at the bar on the way. An hour and a half later he looked at his watch and realized that the party had already started. He quickly ran to the market, bought the snails and ran home. He tried to sneak into the kitchen without his wife seeing him. But at that moment his wife came out. He quickly threw the snails on the floor and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there." Forward this joke to your friends >>   Relationships :: #3455 By Eric Davies from Lower Moutere New Zealand If I had my child If I had my child If I had my child to raise again I'd build self esteem first and the house later I'd finger paint more and finger point less I'd do less correcting and more connecting I'd take my eyes off my watch and watch more with my eyes I would care to know less and know to care more I'd take hikes and fly more kites I'd stop playing seriously and seriously play I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars I'd do more hugging and less tugging.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Dog in Heat
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A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block."
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."






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Lawyer Jokes :: #13868 By from Unknown A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?" Forward this joke to your friends >>   Breaking your Addictions :: #853 By Peter from Chicago USA. Set a target date to QUIT! To be successful at quitting smoking make sure you set yourself a target date to stop smoking by. For some people, it is best if they ease there way into non-smoking instead of going cold-turkey. Set a date a few weeks away and gradually start quitting, then when the day comes, it will be that much easier!     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com

A Joke A Day - Funny everyday Jokes

One Liners Jokes :: #15017 By from Unknown A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two tired. Forward this joke to your friends >>   Famous Quote :: #663 By Talia Stiklestad from Milan USA. Character Development Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. Hellen Keller     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com