Saturday, December 4, 2010

Uses of a Candle

Uses of a Candle

An old sailing ship is becalmed at sea with a full complement of
sailors. They are stuck there for days and days with nothing to do.

One morning the captain decides he is going to lay on some
entertainment for the men.

He orders a barrel to be placed on the top deck. It has an orifice in
the side and he invites each one of the men to "take the pleasures" of
the barrel to their heart's content. Soon a full-fledged hedonistic orgy
is underway.

The men are cheerful once again and morale is boosted. Things reach
such a frenzy that even the captain's dog has a go. Once the party is
over and the barrel is full of the team's spirit, it is bunged up and
thrown overboard. The ship sails away.

A few days later the barrel comes ashore on the beach of a deserted
island in the middle of nowhere. The only inhabitants of the island are
the nuns who have founded their convent there. The nuns find the barrel
and open it. They don't recognize the contents and take it to be wax,
from which they fashion candles.

Of course, nuns being nuns, they use the candles in the way only nuns
can.

Nine months later an inordinate number of babies appear inexplicably on
the island. One of the nuns is very guilty about her sins and approaches
the Mother Superior for confession.

"Forgive me, Mother. I have had a baby."

The Mother Superior says, "That's nothing, my child. I've had puppies."

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