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Howdy Daily, it's me, Joe Cosity here!
Out of necessity, Thanksgiving at our house has required
last-minute change. Please be advised the following notes
are to help you arrive fully prepared.
1. Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag
luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no
matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not
have the desired welcoming effect.
2. Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is
not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage
I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved
in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn
leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.
3. The dining table will not be covered with expensive
linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we
will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork.
Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the
plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last
Christmas.
4. Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and
flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a
hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest
construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.
5. We will be dining fashionably late. The children will
entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy
to share every choice comment I have made regarding
Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please
remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 AM
upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to
cut diamonds. As accompaniment to the children's recital,
I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the
children should mention that I don't own a recording of
tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds
suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer,
ignore them. They are dramatizing too much.
6. We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell
to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to
keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a
formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds,
please gather around the table and sit where you like. In
the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at
a separate table... in a separate room... next door.
7. Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person
carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative
onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For
safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private
ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any
circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not
send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress.
I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It
stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do,
we will eat.
8. I would like to take this opportunity to remind my
young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football
play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head
with warm tasty bread.
9. Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration
of the meal, and especially while in the presence of you
diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its
lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions
you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead
ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains.
10. Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of
offering a choice among 12 different scrumptious desserts,
we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished
with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still
have a choice; take it or leave it.
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this
Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either.
I am thankful.
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Sing unto the LORD, all the earth; shew forth from day to
day his salvation. Declare his glory among the heathen; his
marvellous works among all nations.
For great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised: he also is
to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the people
are idols: but the LORD made the heavens. Glory and honour
are in his presence; strength and gladness are in his place.
Give unto the LORD, ye kindreds of the people, give unto the
LORD glory and strength. Give unto the LORD the glory due
unto his name: bring an offering, and come before him:
worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness. Fear before him,
all the earth: the world also shall be stable, that it be not
moved.
Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice: and let
men say among the nations, The LORD reigneth. Let the sea
roar, and the fulness thereof: let the fields rejoice, and
all that is therein.
Then shall the trees of the wood sing out at the presence of
the LORD, because he cometh to judge the earth. O give
thanks unto the LORD; for he is good; for his mercy endureth
for ever.
And say ye, Save us, O God of our salvation, and gather us
together, and deliver us from the heathen, that we may give
thanks to thy holy name, and glory in thy praise.
-1 Chronicles 16:23
I'm glad you could join me for today's content, and I look
forward to bringing you more next time!
Until then, bye-bye!
Joe Cosity
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Clean Joke of the Day exists to proclaim the truth of God, Jesus Christ, through emotional encouragement and spiritual exhortation.
Reminder: Joe Cosity is only a fictitious person, the result of imagination. Therefore, events depicted in this newsletter as real are actually either partially or completely made up to help you laugh. To contact Joe, simply send an email to:
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