Thursday, May 20, 2010

Answering Machine

Answering Machine

My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave
your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave
me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're
not here. So leave a message.

Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the
money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial
aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends,
you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of
money.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their
carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not
need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and
number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-
recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for
calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about
returning your call.

Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk
to it instead. Wait for the beep.

Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right
now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it
up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly. So leave
a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to
you.

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