JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st October, 2013 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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A Dog's Life
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If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
- Unknown
Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
- Unknown
Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies.
- Gene Hill
In dog years, I'm dead.
- Unknown
To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
- Aldous Huxley
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times
before lying down.
- Robert Benchley
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's
how dogs spend their lives.
- Sue Murphy
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to
bite people themselves.
- August Strindberg
No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely
certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
- Fran Lebowitz
Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a
grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They
must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
- Anne Tyler
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
- Rita Rudner
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can.
That's almost $7.00 in dog money.
- Joe Weinstein
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have
known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
- James Thurber
You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with
pets.
- Nora Ephron
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
wonderful.
- Ann Landers
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get
used to the idea.
- Robert A. Heinlein
In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should
have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan
Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of
the most fond memories!
- Dr. Tom Cat
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
- Ben Williams
When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
- Edward Abbey
Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look
like the dog did it.
- Unknown
Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
- Unknown
No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog
does.
- Christopher Morley
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
- Josh Billings
Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.
- Holbrook Jackson
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
- Andrew A. Rooney
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life,
his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat
of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
- Unknown
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you;
that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
- Mark Twain
Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.
- Smiley Blanton
I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt,
and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.
- John Steinbeck
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Thursday, October 31, 2013
Aha! Jokes Laughing Gas Newsletter for October 31
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Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th October, 2013
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th October, 2013 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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The Rabbi and the IRS
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The IRS sends their auditor (a nasty little man) to audit a synagogue.
The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer.? So he thought he'd try another question, in his obnoxious way...
"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a free box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the IRS ."
"To the IRS ?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "directly to The IRS ...And about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."
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Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20131030
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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-------------------------
The Rabbi and the IRS
-------------------------
The IRS sends their auditor (a nasty little man) to audit a synagogue.
The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer.? So he thought he'd try another question, in his obnoxious way...
"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a free box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the IRS ."
"To the IRS ?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "directly to The IRS ...And about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20131030
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
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