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Religious Jokes :: #14218 By Anonymous from USA. The young priest was so afraid at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before his second week at the pulpit, he asked the monsignor, "How can I relax?" The monsignor, a veteran of his work, said, "My son, this Sunday it might help if you put a martini in the water pitcher instead of water. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly." Sunday came and the young priest did as the monsignor suggested. He believed everything went very well. After the sermon, the young priest asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "Just fine, except you should remember the following before addressing the congregation again: Next time, sip the martini rather than gulping it down. There are 10 Commandments, not 12. There are 12 disciples, not 10. We don't refer to the Cross as the 'Big T. We don't refer to our Savior Jesus Christ and his Disciples as 'J.C. and the boys. Finally, we don't refer to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit as the 'Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook. Forward this joke to your friends >>   Safety :: #3772 By from USA. What children should know We all know that dialing 911 can save lives. Teach your children how to use this valuable emergency service with these tips. Tell your children to first find a trusted adult in an emergency. If a trusted adult isn't available, they should dial 911. Show young children how to dial 911 on the phone. Make sure to say "9-1-1" and not "9-11." Watch them have a trial run (unhook the phone, of course) Explain that 911 is for emergencies – and make it clear what a real emergency look like. List the reasons they might call 911, such as a house fire, a car accident, or if someone is hurt so badly that he or she can't move or talk. Explain what an emergency does not look like. (Hint: it's not when they can't find a favorite toy or have been tripped by the dog.) Let them know that calling 911 when there isn't an emergency is dangerous and wrong. Teach your children that they can trust the 911 dispatcher, and that it's OK to answer any questions – even if they seem personal. Make sure your children know their address.     SpicyJokes.com - www.spicyjokes.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from SpicyJokes.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com