Wednesday, July 18, 2012

A Joke A Day - Funny everyday Jokes

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The Joke of The Day
Business Jokes :: #19672
By Anonymous from USA.

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.



CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.



BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.



VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.



P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the

market keeps crashing.



BROKER -- What my broker has made me.



STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.



STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.



STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets

equally between themselves.



FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.



MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.



CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.



YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.



WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought

Yahoo @ $240 per share.



INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.



PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.




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DealsMagazine.com
The Tip of The Day from WisdomTips.com
Health :: #6176
By Anonymous from USA.

Want to live longer?
Here's what recent studies explain:

A Norwegian study show that people who had someone to talk to during times of distress reported better health.

A study in the Journal Psychosomatic Medicine found that women who reported feelings of loneliness had an increased risk of heart disease.

A study published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology concluded that women who felt socially isolated had an increased risk of death after a breast cancer diagnosis. Researchers suspect this was due to the lack of care typically given by a person's friends and relatives.

In a 10-year Australian study, researchers found that having strong social networks helps protect against mortality, therefore, researchers suggest that the company you keep; your friends; may lengthen your life.



 
 
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