A Joke A Day - Funny everyday Jokes

Business Jokes :: #19672 By Anonymous from USA. CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER -- What my broker has made me. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use. Forward this joke to your friends >>   Health :: #6176 By Anonymous from USA. Want to live longer? Here's what recent studies explain: A Norwegian study show that people who had someone to talk to during times of distress reported better health. A study in the Journal Psychosomatic Medicine found that women who reported feelings of loneliness had an increased risk of heart disease. A study published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology concluded that women who felt socially isolated had an increased risk of death after a breast cancer diagnosis. Researchers suspect this was due to the lack of care typically given by a person's friends and relatives. In a 10-year Australian study, researchers found that having strong social networks helps protect against mortality, therefore, researchers suggest that the company you keep; your friends; may lengthen your life.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018 1995-2011 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to dailyjokes@inspiredgfx.com