Thursday, December 31, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 31st December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Why We All Miss Rodney Dangerfield...
-------------------------

Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield Because he said ..... It's tough to stay
married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from
my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy
negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went
over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you
going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate
myself now.'

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when
you put a bag
over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly... They use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen
the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for
mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him,
'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I' m not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear
the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from
Chicago last night.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of
had anything to play with.

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The client in need to file her taxes visits an accountant for the first time. "Before we begin I'll need some information." He gets her name, address, social security number, etc, and then asks, "What is your occupation?" "I'm a whore," she says. The accountant balks and says, "No, No, that will not work; too gross. Let's try to rephrase that." The woman says, "O.k., I'm a high-end-call girl." "Sorry, that is still too crude. Try again." Both think for a minute, then the woman says, "How about 'elite chicken farmer'." Socked, the accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a high-end-call girl?" "Well, I raised over a thousand little peckers last year."


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