Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 31st August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Bless Me Father
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Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

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Useless Things

Useless Things

Did you know that a man is made up of many useless things?

He has an Adam's apple that isn't an apple...
Two calves that will never become cows...
A nose bridge that doesn't lead anywhere...
A roof of the mouth that won't cover anything...
Twenty nails that won't hold a board...
A chest that won't hold linen...
Two tits that won't give milk...
Two buns that won't feed anyone...
A belly button that won't button...
Two balls that won't roll...
An ass that won't pull a plow...
An organ that won't play music...

and

A cock that won't crow...

By the way, what you ladies sniggering at?
You have a pussy that won't mew!

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By Anonymous from USA.

Three guys are at the water cooler talking about their dates the previous nigh.

Paul insists, "my date must be a nurse, because she said, 'Lie back and relax. This won't hurt a bit.'"

Neil concludes that his girl must be a schoolteacher, because she said, "Do it over and over until you get it right."

Tom figures that his date must be a flight attendant, because she said, "Put this over your mouth and nose and continue to breathe normally."




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Unconditional love is an inside job. If you have not gotten it by now, guess what...start working from within. When you can give it to yourself, you will be ready to give it to someone else. If you can give it to someone else, you will recognize it when it is being given to you.

 
 
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The guy came up to me, my manager, the first day and said, 'I want you to go to all the tables, scrape the gum...   Read on »

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By Anonymous from USA.

- EVER WONDER

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- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

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- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

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- Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

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- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

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- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

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- If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

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- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?




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Getting enough calcium?
Bone fact: More than 99 percent of your body's calcium is kept in your bones and teeth.

Calcium doesn't just come in milk.

Consider these other sources of calcium:

Low-fat dairy products, such as cheese and yogurt

Dark green leafy vegetables, such as broccoli or spinach

Sardines and salmon with bones

Tofu

Almonds

Beans

Calcium-fortified foods

If you don't get enough calcium in your food, ask your physician about taking a calcium supplement.



-Mayo Clinic-



 
 
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